Menopause Thoughts

This is a brief testimony of my journey through the various reproductive stages of life and how by allowing myself to open my heart fully to the experience has enhanced my understanding of the value of each stage of a woman’s life, and how we can encourage other women to see the gems, the riches, and the power that comes to each of us in this life over time.

My name is Vickie Rene’ Nizin and I am a sixty-seven-year-old African American woman and am a member of the Baha’I Faith. I have been married to my wonderful husband Dr. Joel Nizin for 43 years and we have 2 wonderful daughters. The eldest is Zia Tahirih Nizin Rayner who is 41 years old and married to her husband Dwayne. They have 2 daughters and 2 sons ages 12, 11, 10, and 8.5 years old. Our youngest is Anisa Jamal Alabastro who is 39 years old and married to Allan. They have a 14-year-old daughter, and she is pregnant with her second, a son,  and due in July. All of my grandchildren were born at home with midwives and breastfed fully.

I have a bachelor’s degree in Medical/Clinical Dietetics from Howard University in Washington, D.C. and after getting married moved to New York City where my husband was studying. I worked for a short time as a Registered Dietitian and then went to do work and do an internship with the non-governmental organization The Baha’I International Community at the United Nations which aided me in having a more global view.  After becoming pregnant with Zia I felt strongly that I wanted to be a stay at home mother because I believed in the importance of the role of the mother as the first educator of children and as a result wanted to have a direct impact on their development. This is a decision that I have never regretted.

In terms of birth, I was fortunate to have the empowering experience of 2 undrugged vaginal births and the second was in a birthing center with a midwife which was superior.  I breastfed my girls for four and four and a half years. This was important to me because I didn’t see any breastfeeding until I was fourteen years old living in a Black community which has some of the lowest rates of breastfeeding and it left a great impact upon me transforming me into a breastfeeding advocate.

During that time at home with my children I became involved with the international non-profit organization La Leche League and became one of their leaders and am still a member to this day. I got to experience their work at UNICEF as a representative and brought the organization to the country of Guyana, South America where my family did some volunteer service during the 1990s and even represented them at the Beijing, China conference for the Decade of Women in 1995. When my youngest went to college I studied on my own for 1 year and took the exam to become an International Board-Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) in 2001 and still maintain my credentials. I have experienced breastfeeding on many levels, in different countries, working with a great variety of women, private practice, The Baby-Friendly hospital, associating with a variety of non-profit organizations, Chocolate Milk Café Northern New Jersey and presently am the Breastfeeding Manager for the City of East Orange New Jersey Women, Infant, Children Supplemental Food Program (WIC). At this job I get to bring all these experiences and resources to low-income families to empower them on their mothering/parenting journey. This is important because many of the mothers I work with live in First Food Deserts (little or no support for breastfeeding) or if they come from a culture of breastfeeding and they move to the United States which is hostile to breastfeeding, birth and even mothering is at risk. For example, many of the hospitals in my area don’t offer support for breastfeeding, might assume our Wic mothers don’t want to breastfeed and push formula on the mothers which isn’t justified most of the time. These women sometimes are heads of their households and must return to work all too soon. Too many are unaware of their rights and options for paid maternity leave in New Jersey and pumping laws which is disempowering. And if they are undocumented all too often, they are working in a space which violates their human rights and, for example, will not allow even adequate breaks to go to the bathroom. I would describe birth in the area where I work is, all too often, brutal and barbaric and Medicaid which most of my clients are covered by doesn’t for the most part cover midwifery care or homebirth.

I connect mothers to breastfeeding support groups like Chocolate Milk Café (providing support for families in the African diaspora and which I am a member) and La Leche League, to childbirth education, birth doulas and work to help these mothers who all too often are deprived of the vision of who they are as powerful women and their important role as mother. Many of the breastfeeding support groups offer a zoom or in-person gathering bi-monthly, but I realized that our mothers/families would benefit from weekly support so I started a zoom breastfeeding group in my clinic open to all so they could form their own mothering/birthing/breastfeeding clinic and they even started a What’s App that they run, and they named the group Mama’s Milk.

So back to my menopausal journey, I noticed changes when I entered my forties. I endeavored to have a conversation with my gynecologist and always it was recommended to take estrogen which I did not want to do.   At first my libido was significantly heightened but my body’s function was diminishing i.e., dryer vagina and changes in the mucosal membranes leading to a growing discomfort with intercourse. I also felt a sense of a cold wind in my vagina which was worrisome. Then the hot flashes began at predictable times at night and sometimes during the day and I felt them between my breasts. Know that I am a slender active woman and eat quite healthy, but some things would trigger the flashes. Things like caffeine, chocolate, meat, spicy foods and if I had anxiety or was nervous like when I had to give a talk to a group. I still had some milk droplets in my breasts although I hadn’t breastfed for a long time and around my period, I would have to do some hand expression for relief. I attributed it to the fact that I was with so many post-partum breastfeeding women which kept my hormones very stimulated. Then I started having more frequent menstrual periods that were heavy and lasted for 8 days. I bled through everything. I even started taking some extra iron as I was becoming borderline anemic. That was my reality.

For my fiftieth birthday I gave myself a gift of working with a nutritionist life coach who did a special native American change of life process which lasted about 6 months in which I said goodbye to one aspect of my life and greeted/welcomed the next stage. That was the best gift! Before then I would get some anxiety around the changes I was witnessing and after that I embraced them and began a process of acceptance. When I turned 57 my periods finally ceased, and I was officially menopausal. It took me 10 years to find a gynecologist that respected and trusted and who respected and honored me. What a blessing.

So now I this menopausal woman with hot flashes works with women in their reproductive years and celebrates them, encourage them to own their womanhood, their power and know how important they are to their families, to the upliftment of women who come behind them, and thus contributing to the betterment of the world. This is my calling. I do as a mature woman, humbled by those I serve, and who is still learning and growing. I do it as a woman fulfilled in my relationship with all the aspects of my reproductive life. My heart is full, and my eyes fill with tears when I think back on my life and realize how quickly it has passed and am filled with gratitude to my Creator, the matriarchs before me, watching my daughters honor who they are and know that now I approach my service as a grandmother, an elder, and an ever evolving soul.  Thank you for hearing my testimony.